You've heard of the book "The Five People You Meet in Heaven?" Well, what about "The Most 15 Irritating People You Meet While Travelling?" It could be your seatmate on the airplane. It could be the obnoxious local you have the misfortune of running into at the hotel bar. It could even be your travel partner.
Either way, these offenders can make your vacation long and miserable. Sure, enduring a trip with them could end up giving you a great post-vacation story you can share with your friends — or an intriguing real-time horror story you live-tweet with your followers. But at the end of the day, these people are vacation ruiners that, along with Montezuma's Revenge, you should avoid during your trip.
The Weird Eater
They’re gluten-free. They’re off carbs right now. And if they can't have raw kale with a shot of wheatgrass for breakfast, well then they just can't eat. Finding good food options on the road is challenging enough, but traveling with one of these culinary killjoys makes it darned-near impossible. Don't get us wrong; sufferers of celiac disease, food allergies, and other ailments have no choice but to be diet conscious on the road. No, we're talking about the Picky Patties whose only ailment is Pain-in-the-Ass Syndrome ("I'm on a strict birdseed-only diet..."). Part of being a good vacationer is being flexible, and, yes, that includes eating. People who can't go with the flow and sample the local fare without checking for trans-fats are just no fun to encounter during a vacation.
The Timekeeper
Timekeepers can be irritating travel companions. Photo: Thinkstock
This is someone who is early to a fault, and quick to anger if you’re a few minutes late. And even if you're bleeding from your ears, they will not deviate one iota from the travel itinerary they created on their iPad before they left home. On one hand, it's good having these people around when you're on vacation because you don't have to think about anything; they have the trip planned down to the last millisecond. But on the other hand, their inflexible, almost military-like precision can be insufferable when you're trying to relax on your trip. Like The Weird Eater, The Timekeeper's inflexibility is hell on vacation. Fun fact: Timekeepers are one of the leading victims of traveller-on-traveller violence, according to a statistic we made up.
The Fearful Flyer
They grab onto you, they talk to you. When their Klonopin kicks in, they fall asleep on your shoulder. You may think you're going on a nice, relaxing vacation. But that all goes away the second one of these people sits next to you on a plane. Congratulations: You're going to be a counsellor for the next five hours.
The Drunk
Beware of The Drunk while on holiday.
A little vacation revelry is always welcome but these people turn every minute of every vacation into a pub crawl. Steer clear of these future 12-Steppers; at very least they'll have you hungover for your entire vacation. At very worst, they'll have you waking up in a strange hotel room with your friend missing and a tiger in the bathroom.
The Bad Parents
They let their kids get away with anything. They sit cluelessly as little Timmy runs wild around the restaurant, the museum, or the airplane aisle. "Children need to explore their space," these people will often say in defense of their laissez faire vacation parenting. And correcting their little angels' bad behavior is simply out of the question. You could entertain yourself with thoughts of these undisciplined monsters growing up to torment their clueless parents as teenagers. But for now, they're damaging your vacation calm.
The Horndog
We don't see nothin' wrong with a little vacay romance. But for this particular traveller, hooking up is the first and last goal of the trip. Their single-mindedness can make your vacation extremely one-note and exhausting (especially if you have the misfortune of sharing a room with them). Horndogs can help show you a great or a miserable time; their risk-reward ratio for vacation fun is similar to that of The Drunk (and, more often than not, they're the same person).
The Romantics
Some folks need to get a room.
The opposite of the Horndog. They may be honeymooners or an amorous couple rekindling their fires with a romantic adventure. But their constant PDA is extremely off-putting, especially when you're on a vacation. We’d tell you Romantics to “get a room," but you're on vacation; you've already gotten a room. So use it. Unless it's next to mine.
The Adrenaline Junkies
They want to jump off every bridge, constantly taking pictures of themselves doing dangerous things. On the upside they'll make sure you go back with some awesome photos. On the downside, they'll probably get you killed.
The Exhibitionist
The only thing these people like more than the attention they get at home for their skimpy, barely-there wear is the attention they get when they travel. But we do have to give them this: exhibitionists rarely overpack.
The Addictive Selfie Taker
Phone stealing may be necessary for selfie addicts. Photo: Thinkstock
People who take too many photos are bad enough; you can’t enjoy any moment without them wanting to stop the action for a pic (that they end up retaking repeatedly because, "Darn it, it's not quite right!"). But Addictive Selfie Takers are a whole different animal. You can't enjoy a meal, take in a landmark, or walk down the street without these people staging an instant photo session. If you happen to be travelling with one of these people, you might have to impose a strict Daily Selfie Limit. And in extreme circumstances, you may have to steal their phone when they're not looking and claim a pick-pocket took it.
The Smug Social Sharer
These people use their vacations as excuses to lord over you with their superior, more worldly lives. They post every detail of their vacations on social media, with captions like: "In Bora Bora... again." These people aren't too difficult to travel with (unless they're also "Addictive Selfie Takers"), but their Facebook humble bragging can get extremely annoying.
The Eco Freak
Environmental warriors can be irritating travel buddies.
These people live and travel green. They compost everything. They drone on for hours about climate change. They ask every restaurant how they recycle. And they're like, "Hey, what's this tour bus' carbon footprint?" Yes, their environmentalism is admirable and definitely necessary for the greater good. But when we're on vacation our main priority isn't saving the planet — it's seeing it. Remember: The phrase is "Think globally, act locally." So if it's all the same to you, let's save the Captain Planet act for when we get home, alright?
The Complainer
Nothing is good enough, the sheets are scratchy, the burger is undercooked. And they like to remind you that this would never happen at home. These people aren't any fun to be around back home. When you encounter them during the rough-and-tumble world of travel, they can be vacation destroying.
The Wi-Fi Addict
Like drug addicts trying to score a high, these techies walk around asking every hotel, airport, and cafe for the Wi-Fi code. If you're traveling with one of these people, their quest for Wi-Fi (especially of the free variety) can devour your precious vacation time. Newsflash to these Wi-Fi Addicts: as great as it would be, the entire planet Earth is not yet a wireless hotspot. So power down for a change, okay?
The Conversationalist
They’ll start chatting up anyone anywhere. It's annoying when it's a stranger ("I appreciate you striking up a conversation with me, sir, but I was really hoping to get some sleep on this flight...") or when it's your travel partner ("It's great you want to get her life's story, but she has other customers and she needs to get our food from the kitchen before it gets cold"). But you're on vacation; you've got things to see and do. The small talk can wait.
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